Expanding the Cultural Perspective

    Nannying brought a great cultural experience that really answered that question "Why are all the asian kids so smart?" It is cultural. The focus of the home is on education. The television is in the basement. The kids know their way around the library and plow through about 8 pounds… yes pounds of books a week. They enjoy the same things that all boys their age like. They play clash of clans with their iPad time, enjoy funny youtube videos, chips, chocolate and candy are some of their favorite things. But it's all done with great moderation. Limit iPad and computer time, emphasize reading and learning about all different passions, including bugs and worms.

      There are many imperfections, one example is the conversation I had with the younger boy about sharks. This kid know about all different types of sharks, where they swim, what they eat… I ask if he wants to be a marine biologist when he grows up. He response really through me for a loop, he said "Mom says marine biologists don't make enough money. She says I need to be a doctor or dentist or orthodontist…" at age 7 this statement hit me like a brick wall. He talks about wanting a big house with a pool and that the only way to have that would be having a job like his mother says.

     I wonder if it is really so engrained. As he grows up and realizes that passion is important in a career would he feel free to make his own choice. He will have the intellectual and social ability to be successful, no matter he choses to peruse. He is incredibly creative and smart. Will college and life experiences push him to use his gifts of creativity and character? Or will this "tiger mom" parenting prevent him from using these great skills?

     Is this the same idea of "setting a high bar" for all kids, and making college a part of the conversations? Teaching in "College Prep" urban schools, we force college to become part of the conversation. Taking middle school kids on college visits, naming classes after colleges, having teachers share about their college experiences…. Do I really think everyone of these kids has the ability to get into Harvard? Perhaps very few of them… but the mission of continuing to learn and educate themselves is important.  They might not want to take the college path but the most important part is that they will be prepared to make that choice.

       When we look at standards across the country slipping, perhaps the expectations of middle class parents have also slipped. Using myself as an example, lets look at the history of education in my family. Beginning with my grandfathers… My mother's father went to Harvard on the GI bill, my father's Dad went to Yale on the GI bill as well… Two Ivy league educated patriarchs. Both became very successful in their fields. My mother's father becoming an lawyer, FBI agent, and eventually chief of the Pennsylvania State Police. The other an accountant for Earnest and Young, running the Pittsburgh office. I'm not sure exactly how we fell… a little at a time. We still have a smart well educated family but the positions of prestige have seemed to slip. We have several attorneys in the family, but none with quite the drive that brought my grandparents to the top of their fields. Perhaps the generation of Baby Boomers created different priorities with their lives. They grew up having a lot, and perhaps realizing that having success is not as important as enjoying what you do. So have they let up on the pressure I should have had growing up. Should they have worked me harder with school work? And will I be enough of a "tiger mom" to stop the cycle, if someday I am blessed with my own children?

       So "tiger mom" I hope that much of your motivation is about giving your children choices. Setting the bar high to enable them to use their wonderful balance of intelligence and creativity. Exposing them to more and hoping when they are on their own they are not only going to follow their heart but they will also have the ability to do whatever they desire.